


Into The Dark

by AMidnightDreary



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Unhappy Ending, mascara alert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-29 10:30:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19018093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMidnightDreary/pseuds/AMidnightDreary
Summary: Loki dies.Tony follows.





	Into The Dark

**Author's Note:**

> For the fact that it's so short, it took me far too long to write this. Mostly because it kept making me sad. xD
> 
> Also, you should totally listen to [the song](https://youtu.be/R5i7kAnU_9o) that inspired this. It's a lovely cover.

It's odd, how quickly the euphoria of victory can turn into pure and nagging horror.

Well, actually it doesn't happen that quickly. No, it takes two hours. (Two hours and thirty six minutes.)

And then, suddenly, Tony stands in the middle of the battlefield, which is the most crowded and the loneliest place in the entire Nine Realms, and he realizes that Loki won't respond to his or Thor's calls, because he isn't here anymore.

He isn't here anymore.

Thor tells him that they don't know yet, but Tony does.

He knows.

 

...

 

They find Loki's body four days later. Buried under a few giants, a massive hole in his chest where it doesn't belong.

Tony sits down on the ground, and he gets even more dirt and blood on his clothes when he cradles Loki's body in his arms. He tries to tug the ripped armor back into place, to hide that gaping hole, because Loki likes (liked) to be properly dressed, and he never wants (wanted) anyone else to see his wounds.

Tony remembers a million times they found each other after battles, remembers how Loki's eyes scanned his body and his hands looked for injuries, and how he always ignored everything else until he was sure that Tony was okay.

"I'm okay", Tony tells him, and he tries so hard to smile. He brushes Loki's dark and dirty hair out of his face, lets his fingers trail over cold and blue skin, as if that could make blood red eyes look at him again. "I'm okay."

He has never lied to Loki before.

 

...

 

Tony wonders what it's like. He hasn't thought about death in three thousand years, not until that last battle, but now he wonders what it's like.

He ate the apple when he was fifty-three. After that, dying started to seem like a far away thing that he didn't have to think about, because why worry about things like that when you were basically immortal?

(Basically.)

Immortality is a lie. That Tony knows, now that he is alone.

He walks the path that leads to their - his - _their_ house, and he wonders what dying feels like. It's a path he walked a million times before, but then he always thought about happier things.

Tony can't count the times he almost died. He almost died a _lot_ when he was still human, and honestly that didn't change after he ate the apple. He knows what it's like to _believe_ that you will die, to make peace with it, even, but somehow that doesn't help him now, not at all. Believing that you will die is not the same as really dying, and who can say what that is like? Who can say what comes after?

Loki spoke of Valhalla, a few times. Thor, too, and the Vanir - but Tony has also met some elves who believe in reincarnation and a lot of humans who believe in some sort of heaven and some sort of hell and even more people who believe that there will be nothing after death.

Tony doesn't know what he believes, but for the first time in his life he hopes that there will be _something._

Maybe that's why people came up with these concepts in the first place, because the thought of the dead being just _gone_ is simply impossible to bear.

He enters their house, and he talks to FRIDAY. He goes to his workshop, and he talks to the bots. Loki has been dead for about six decades (sixty-two years and two-hundred-and-seven days), and Tony said goodbye to everyone else he knows. He sits in their kitchen for a while, turning one of Loki's knives in his hands.

Loki would shout at him for this. Tony knows that, but he also knows that he'd _gladly_ be shouted at by Loki again. Without hearing Loki's voice, these six decades have been far too long. But Tony needed the time - he needed the time to say goodbye, not just to his friends, but to everything, and to make certain that this is what he wants.

It is. It's what he wants, because - because he has lived far too long already, longer than a human should live. Together, he and Loki explored every inch of the Nine Realms - and some inches of the space beyond the Nine Realms - and there's nothing else Tony has to do. He never wanted to live this long in the first place; he only couldn't stand the thought of Loki being alone for all those centuries.

Now, Loki is gone, and Tony wonders what he would prefer. Maybe Loki wouldn't shout at him at all, maybe he would understand. Surely he doesn't want Tony to be alone, either.

Tony leaves their house. He will never come back.

 

...

 

Loki Laufeyson died alone.

He died alone on a battlefield that was so big and chaotic that his death went unnoticed at first. Tony doesn't think that he screamed for help, because Loki wasn't the type to scream for help. He also likes to think that Loki died with a snarl on his lips, or a grin - he likes to think that Loki didn't know he would die before he died.

But that doesn't change the fact that Tony wasn't there, and he should have been there. When they married, he swore to always be at Loki's side, and then, when Loki needed him more than ever before, Tony wasn't there.

Tony waits until night settles over Alfheimr. He sits in the grass not far away from their house, on a spot where the trees are sparse enough that he can look up at the sky. He watches the moons and the stars fade into sight as the sky darkens, and remembers all the times he was here with Loki, talking and laughing and loving each other until sunrise. He thinks that this is a good place to die.

He still has Loki's dagger in his hands.

Tony Stark dies alone, too.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [true blue](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20868092) by [Katie_Grey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katie_Grey/pseuds/Katie_Grey)




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